Why you should not strive to save others?
When you love someone, you want to help and support them. We motivate, we inspire, we convince our loved ones to go forward and not give up. We do everything and even more for the sake of others. And at the same time, we feel guilty that we could not do something, did not do enough, because a person does not succeed. We are obliged to help or save a person; who will do it if not us? It turns into a vicious circle: we help - nothing works out - we feel guilty ... and we help again ...
We think that if we love someone with all our heart, this is enough to change the person and his life. For example, help someone quit alcohol or drugs, find a job, and more. However, such magical transformations occur more often in movies and books than in real life. And the longer we live, the more we are convinced of this.
The truth is, ultimately it’s not all up to you. It all depends primarily on the person himself: whether he wants to change for real, and not in words. But this is where the problems arise.
We are blinded by love and a desire to help, we believe that we are omnipotent and will save everyone, which means that we see only the good. We sincerely believe that it is enough to help a person a little and he will change. At the same time, we do not pay attention to the red flags, which warn that he is not going to change. Everything suits him. Meanwhile you are not satisfied with something and here comes the "fuss".
Even when we gut feel that something is wrong, we still justify the behavior of these people in the hope that they will become better. Even when they change for the worse beyond recognition, not at all resembling those whom we have fallen in love with, we still deceive ourselves and feed ourselves with illusions. We want to believe so much, what we believe. We hate to see the obvious so much that we do not see it. Hope always dies last. Yes, sometimes people change, although this is extremely rare.
In most cases, all of our deeds of salvation end in frustration and pain. And all because we forget about one very simple truth of life: we cannot and should not save, change or re-educate other people. Even if we love them very much. Even if we really want to help. This is their responsibility and nobody else's.
Their darkness should not obscure the sun for us. Their mistakes and shortcomings should not become our burden. We can help them overcome obstacles, we can even help carry the burden of problems at some stage, but we cannot do this instead of them. They must win, thanks to their strength, and not due to the fact that we carry everything on ourselves.
Life is already full of worries and experiences, and if you also take on other people’s burden, you will break down and will not be able to move on. You will no longer have any goals or strength - only mortal fatigue and a sense of guilt that you did for the sake of your loved one is too little. After all, you cannot save someone whose world is falling apart without being hurt by the debris.
You can only love him. But even the deepest and strongest love is still not enough to make a person get rid of his darkness. It will not dissipate until he wants to. It will not dissipate until he enters into the struggle himself. The only way out is his decision to change his life. The only person who can save him is himself.
You can be the light at the end of the tunnel for such people, but you cannot walk this path instead of him. It is strewn with shrapnel and will bring nothing but pain. You will be there, you will support him, but you are not a rescue service.
Many people believe that if they endure bad habits and behavior of a partner, then he will appreciate it and for the sake of love will change over time. No, he won't appreciate it, he won't even notice. Because he has long taken your sacrifice for granted! He's already fine – so why change something?! Unfortunately, this is the harsh truth of life.
In fact, we just don't want to let go of our love. We stubbornly hold on to those who only cause pain and suffering. We stubbornly believe that love can conquer everything and everyone. Nobody argues, maybe it is so. But only under condition that the person has made the decision to change himself. In fact, even the greatest love in the world cannot change or heal an adult. If he decided to plunge into his own darkness, you cannot save him from there.
