What to do if a child manipulates his parents?

When a child manipulates his parents, the advice of a psychologist can only help find the right path to education and ending manipulation. The main problem of most parents sometimes lies in too much responsibility and their use of various manipulations. Children quite sensitively adopt the experience of the older generation. But they still do not know shame and embarrassment, so they can use a variety of tricks to achieve their desires "here and now."

It is important for adults not to set a negative example themselves. For this, it is important not to show the child rivalry between the parents. It is important not to allow children's tantrums in public places or to allow the child to put pressure on you in any other way.

Causes of manipulation

Adults tend to use arguments to get their way, and they also take responsibility for their actions. Children often do not have the opportunity to “push their idea through”. At the same time, a living example of manipulation like “don’t cry now, we’ll buy the toy later”, or “clean up the room, then we’ll give you a chocolate bar” often unfolds in front of their eyes. Driven by emotions, they tend to similar behavior very quickly.

The child's attempts to manipulate his parents, according to the advice of a psychologist, should be recognized as early as possible, otherwise it will be very difficult to see a real cry for help later.

The first thing to understand is that you should not be a bad example for the child and try not to set conditions for him like “if you don’t get dressed quickly, we will be late and won’t go anywhere.” The child quickly learns that it is possible to offer his parents a kind of deal. He behaves well, and his desire is satisfied in return.

Methods of child’s manipulation

There are a lot of scripts that children unconsciously use when trying to make parents do or buy something.

Here are the main methods of manipulation that children use:

Crying. The easiest way to attract attention is crying. Parents instantly run to their children, trying to find out what happened to them. It is one thing when the child fell or someone offended him, and completely different when tears act as reinforcement of requirements.

Flattery. The child becomes very affectionate, provides the chosen parent with a bunch of compliments, and then, as if between this and then, makes a request to buy something, allow something or let him go somewhere.

If he gets a solid rejection, he sharply loses interest, or goes to another parent, who, in his opinion, will absolutely give him permission.

Indicative insult. Unwillingness to talk, pouting, gloomy look – this is a sign that the child deliberately avoids contact. As a rule, children from 2 to 5 years are using this method. They are trying to pity their parents.

Simulation. The child can remember that if he is sick, his parents allow him a lot, forgive something and, more importantly, they buy him a lot to alleviate the course of the disease. Often, such children begin to pretend being sick, simulate headache or weakness.

Hysterics. After observing the behavior of other children (usually in kindergarten) or guessing himself, the child is able to resort to the most powerful tool - public hysteria. Many parents do not really want to be in an embarrassing situation, when a child begins to howl and bang in the middle of the store.

Wearing down. A child may refuse to perform ordinary duties, avoiding any contacts. They are capable of continuing this state for a long time, even for a day. The child can start disputes for any occasion; he will need you to prove the need for a particular action.

The earlier parents understand the tactics of their children, the faster and more efficient they can pass the period when the child leans towards manipulation. It is important to understand that it is not guided by logic, but emotions, his desires can be impulsive.

What needs to be done first?
• learn to say no to your child;
• show perseverance;
• to convey to the child the consequences of his desires, reasonably and carefully;
• avoid long-term disputes (you will have to teach a child to express his point of view briefly and reasonably);
• do not change the decisions under the pressure of the child;
• have the discussion with a child about the correct behavior in a relaxed atmosphere;
• learning your child to take responsibility systematically.

Often the child tries to show his helplessness to avoid learning or fulfill his duties. In this case, psychologists advise to limit a child who manipulates their parents with the temporary framework, try to instill sense of responsibility. In the case of simulation of the disease, the recipe is only one – visiting a doctor. It should be a person who reveals children's trick easily or confirms your fears.

The child’s hysterics will go away if parents demonstrate solid and continued position in any situation. And with an emotional blackmail, they should take a single position. Actively talk with a child about the reasons for which they make certain decisions. The main thing is the argumentation, you should not brush your kid away, you should not allow creating a nervous environment. It is necessary to endure independent manipulations forever.