How to tell fake love from true love?
There are many things that are similar to love, but have nothing to do with it. As a rule, these are very close and long-term friendly relations, in which, however, there is no sincere attraction between the parties, but only limitations and problems that support this friendship. Unfortunately, in the modern world, fake love is very common.
True love arises between people who want to develop together. This implies generosity and freedom. And the more this love actively encourages the individualism of each partner, the more real it is. This applies to all forms of love: between parents and their child, spouses in marriage, etc.
“There is no mask that could hide true love for a long time or create its illusion where it does not exist,” - François de La Rochefoucauld.
Sometimes true love is confused with other things that look like love but are not it. These relationships are usually built on very strong feelings. These feelings come from the heart, but often in these relationships there is no respect for another person. They are born from selfish desires and needs and persist as long as they bring some benefit. Here are some of them.
Fake love: overprotective.
Overprotection is one of those things that looks like love but really isn't, despite how much one person cares about the other. This type is found mostly between parents and their children. However, he is not uncommon in couples, between friends and in other types of relationships.
Overprotection is a too strong desire to prevent something bad for someone we consider vulnerable or defenseless. When we love, we want only the best for this person.
However, someone who shows excessive concern sees danger where there is none. And if it does exist, then he is inclined to exaggerate its seriousness. These people tend to ignore the fact that we learn a lot from our negative experiences.
In such relationship, it is not love that prevails, but suffering. Excessive protection is accompanied by the projection of your own fears onto your soulmate. At the same time, preventing bad things often fails. On the contrary, your partner is so overwhelmed by your anxiety that it prevents him from growing and developing as a person.
Fake love: controlling a loved one.
Too strong desire to control other people is a bit like overprotection. But they are not the same thing. In this case, the person is trying to humiliate his partner.
Ultimately, what he really wants for his “beloved” is for him to stop trusting himself and become addicted. This behavior is passed off as love, but it is not. Sometimes the fake lover will place the burden on the shoulders of the other person and then try to take care of them. And he also does everything in his power to prevent his beloved from facing life's difficulties. However, this protection is not free. You have to pay for it with your autonomy and freedom.
In reality, they are trying to make you completely dependent on your partner. Outwardly, it may seem that your significant other is trying to make you happy, but in fact, he/ she does not allow you to live your life. The person manipulates you so that you go anywhere from him. It is fake love full of selfish control.
Addiction and fake love.
Control on the outside and dependence on the inside are the hallmarks of fake love. This is a rather peculiar relationship, as one person shifts all his needs and disappointments onto the shoulders of another one. In this way, he makes his partner responsible for his happiness. The result is the creation of a surrogate father or mother who must fulfill any of his wishes.
The whole story ends with a desperate need for a found "mentor." After all, he is a kind of shield that protects against life's problems. Your so-called partner avoids his own problems, decision-making and the risk of failure.
An addict may feel deep love for his partner, but in reality it is a relationship of mutual exploitation.
