How to get over a breakup with a loved one?

We want to love and be loved, we strive to create a happy and strong family, to live in abundance and prosperity. But before finding the perfect life partner, many of us are destined to go through a series of partings and breakups. Someone perceives this as the beginning of a new stage in life and finds the strength to move forward, while for someone a break with a loved one is comparable to a serious loss.

Everything will pass…

Of course, time heals even the deepest wounds. But in the present moment it seems that it is simply impossible to continue living on, since the brain is absorbed in memories of the past, and feelings towards the former partner are still strong. As a result, we withdraw into ourselves, refuse to communicate with loved ones, surrender to the power of negative thoughts and anxious expectations, and we get bogged down in depressed emotional state.

Although now you do not understand how to live on after break up, but sooner or later the mental pain will pass. The main thing is not to give up and do everything possible so that this condition does not lead to prolonged depression and does not leave an imprint on the subsequent relationship. Life is not over; there are many interesting things ahead, as well as new, no less happy relationships.

If you are unable to cope with the pain of loss on your own, we strongly recommend that you enlist the help of a psychologist. When parting, this is the most correct decision. Or at least take advantage of his advice.

How long does it take to get over the breakup?

Many people are interested not only in how to survive the breakup of long-lasting relationship, but also how long it will take. Everyone is individual and experiences this difficult period in his own way.

In turn, the intensity and duration of worries depend directly on a combination of the following factors:
• type of nervous system;
• the circumstances surrounding the breakup;
• the desire and effort you make to start life from scratch.

It is believed that full recovery from a breakup takes from several months to a year. However, if the breakup occurred suddenly and at the initiative of your beloved, and the relationship itself was characterized by painful dependence and the need to take care of and control another person, in this case the distress can drag on for more than a year.

It is much easier to survive parting with a loved one if both partners found the courage to admit that the relationship had exhausted itself, and when parting they expressed gratitude to each other for all the good things that happened. Of course, this does not mean at all that people who are able to provide another person with the desired freedom easily and part peacefully are robots deprived of human feelings. They just know how to find the resources within themselves that support them in difficult periods of life and after parting experience rather bright sadness than unbearable pain and unwillingness to live on.

Psychologist's advice: how to get over a breakup with a loved one?

We have prepared for you some simple recommendations that will help you quickly leave all regrets in the past and feel the joy of life again.

- Give yourself time to grieve, arrange a kind of mourning for lost relationships and broken hopes for common future. Try to come to terms with irreversible changes in your life, learn to live on a wave of new energy, without the love and support of your partner, which you are used to counting on for the time spent together.

- Out of sight, out of mind. Often, after parting, people try to maintain friendly relations, believing that this is not a reason to completely remove a person from their lives. But don't be fooled! In most cases, former partners agree to remain friends because they cannot come to terms with the idea that a loved one will leave their life forever. Love under the guise of friendship does not bring happiness, and such friendship will not be real and sincere. No wonder there is a proverb "out of sight - out of mind." It is much easier to forget a person if you do not maintain any connections with him. In any case, both partners need time to be apart and tune in to an exceptionally friendly relationship.

- Make sure nothing reminds you of your ex. It is useful to unsubscribe from him on social networks, delete the history of correspondence and reduce communication with mutual friends. Someone gets rid of joint photos and gifts after a breakup. If you don't have the strength to part with things, put them in a box and hide them away. Also ask mutual acquaintances, if possible, not to mention the ex in your presence.

- Remove any music from your playlist that reminds you of an ended relationship. Replace them with uplifting tracks.

- Clear the space. Renew your apartment: do a general cleaning, rearrange furniture, put new wallpapers. Cleansing the outer space is a kind of mental cleansing, after which it will become easier to accept the changes.

- Stabilize your emotional state and find the strength to continue caring for yourself. Regular healthy food, manicure, walks in the fresh air, physical activity will help keep yourself in good shape - both physically and emotionally.

- Change your image. Experiment with hair color and length, go shopping and treat yourself to beautiful new clothes and shoes, and get rid of the things you don't like anymore. The outside influences the inside - this is a fact, and very soon you will feel better.

- Environment support. After the breakup, close people will try to distract you from painful thoughts, try getting you out of the house, and do something interesting. Do not refuse their help, because having fun with loving people is a great way to feel better.

- Find an internal resource. Move away from the victimhood and expectation that someone should make you happy. Stop looking for love somewhere else, because the main person in your life is yourself. Become a generator of positive emotions for yourself. Find what you enjoy doing and what will develop you, make you more confident and happier.

- Don't fill the void with a string of new partners. You need to give yourself time to get over the breakup with a loved one and meet your inner emptiness. In fear of pain and loneliness, many skip this important stage. Unfortunately, withdrawing into the arms of a stranger has the opposite effect and the feeling of emptiness only intensifies. Stay in conscious solitude for as long as you need, and devote yourself to restoring vitality and self-development.

- Analyze the quality of your relationship. Think about what was holding you back in the relationship. If these are children, fear of financial insolvency or loneliness, then, first of all, it is necessary to work on issues of personal maturity, and not on the return of a partner, and it is advisable to do this under the guidance of a psychologist.

- Don't try to numb the yearning with food, stimulants, and alcohol. Not only will this not bring the desired relief, but it will also cause serious damage in the form of the release of stress hormones, physiological dependence and excess weight. Instead, tune in to conscious inner work to end the relationship emotionally and accept your current state.

- If you sincerely need not only love and affection, but the very personality of a loved one, then you should openly tell him about it, without threats and manipulation. Offer to work through the problems and grievances that have accumulated during your relationship together. Seek advice from a family psychologist. That way you can at least admit to yourself that you did the best you could. If the partner is categorical in his decision to leave, then you just have to accept his choice and start living your new, separate life.

A psychologist's point of view: how they experience parting with a loved one.

Experiencing a breakup in love relationship often involves the same stages as responding to the loss of a loved one.

Denial. At such a moment, our consciousness cannot accept the fact of what happened. We make plans, cherish hope and comfort ourselves that the gap is not final, the other half will definitely take a step towards reconciliation, and everything will be as before.

Anger. We experience latent resentment or express it openly. An endless stream of accusations or insults pours against the former partner. This often helps us separate from the partner, and increase the distance. If we don't allow ourselves to feel anger towards our ex, we often turn the entire stream of negative emotions onto ourselves: we blame ourselves in the breakup and convince ourselves that we don't deserve another good relationship.

Bargain. We begin to bargain with ourselves or with a former partner in an attempt to start the relationship over. Living the breakup, we set ourselves a certain period during which we can return our beloved. This is how our psyche tries to cope with the breakup and get used to the new situation.

Depression. At some point, the realization comes that it's time to stop making senseless attempts to deny the breakup. And after that we are covered with a wave of despair, sadness and apathy.

Acceptance. If you give yourself enough time to survive this "mental flu", the painful symptoms gradually subside, after which the new situation begins to be accepted. After that, we find the strength to move on, and past relationships remain in the past - like a completed chapter in the book of life, after which new interesting chapters follow.