Man and woman. Perception difference.
Perhaps the first thing that surprised me was how my wife perceived what was happening in her life. For example, in the evening she shared the events of her day. Her story could last an hour. It had a lot of details, embedded stories, feelings and experiences.
Despite the fact that the events of the day themselves were often quite common, nothing special.
When it was my turn to share, I shared only a few sentences about some important events for me. This was the end of my story. This was considering the fact that I really had a desire to share. And if my wife asked leading questions about my feelings in relation to what happened, I began to blunt openly, not even understanding what was required of me. Like, what feelings can there be? In the initial period of the relationship, this led to her suspicions of my insincerity. Moreover, comparing our stories, I began to doubt it myself. Especially considering the fact that I operated with philosophical categories freely and in general was inclined to indulge in reflections.
Then I set out to study this issue, and over time it became obvious to me how differently we focus on what is happening. My focus was only on my goals.
- And my male vision of situations boiled down to several options:
- the target is hit
- the target is not hit
- the target has not been hit yet
For the rest, my attention was not focused and was considered not particularly significant.
Listening to my wife’s evening stories I had to admit that my way of seeing the world is rather narrow and primitive. But of course I did not admit it to my wife. I'm a man!
A big difference
I quietly studied her model of perception, at the same time looking closely and comparing the models of other people. It turned out that the majority of women, to one degree or another, perceive information in a similar way. And this perception has many benefits. For example, attention to detail, richness of impressions, sensitivity to internal states - both our own and those of others.
But it didn't stop there. Over time, I began to notice more and more "female tricks" until I identified a big difference between a man and a woman. And in most cases, it was not in favor of the man.
In general, the difference in the degree and speed of development of a man and a woman is clearly visible if you look closely at how children behave. So, boys, compared to girls of the same age, are primitive and single-tasking creatures. And the worst thing is that the situation itself does not change with age.
A man can change this situation only through conscious efforts.
Some women, somewhere after 25 years old, take root in a condescending attitude towards men, as creatures of course useful, but slightly retarded, like big children. They, of course, do not tell this to men, but if you abandon male prejudices and take a closer look at their behavior, then the veil from the eyes will disappear quickly.
And if a man decides to study this issue, he may agree to admit that women have every reason to treat them this way.
According to my observations, up to 30 years of age, a man has little chance of catching up with a woman with whom he is in a relationship in development. And more often than not, if a man considers himself to be more developed, it is only because he measures a woman with a man's ruler, and therefore does not see the obvious - a woman is initially given more.
Ways of perception and spiritual development
So what exactly is the difference in male and female perception? It is expressed as follows: a man analyzes the incoming information first, categorizes it, comprehends it, and only then, if he agrees with it, passes it through himself. Moreover, most often crumbs remain from the initial information after the male processing.
And you should understand this issue subtly: information is not just meanings that we convey through words, but states, feelings, sensations, skills. On the contrary, a woman passes information through herself first and only then, if she has a reason to share it with someone in a conversation, she comprehends it.
The difference between these processes is colossal and gives a woman a head start over a man in the first decades of her life. She practically immediately assimilates information, translating it into skills and experience, while experiencing accompanying states. The process of analyzing and building the incoming information into some kind of clear structure is not interesting for women at first, and later it is only interesting in the context of communication with men - as a way to immerse oneself in new states, or getting to know the interlocutor better.
Purely mental processes based on some kind of abstraction seem completely lifeless, without any experience and therefore tiresome to women.
This is one of the reasons why men have a false impression of their development in comparison with women. For example, in communication, he tries to reveal her picture of the world through philosophical categories. And a woman does not have such a way of expressing her vision. In general, any speech without tangible states, sound and visible images has a bad effect on her. If a woman speaks mainly in abstract language, she seems to lose her femininity. And most women feel it and avoid it in every possible way.
Due to the fact that a woman experiences information, and does not think about it, by the age of 25 she is much more experienced than a man in almost everything. The man next to her is like an immature teenager during these years. He is sure that he knows more than a woman, because she cannot answer his tricky philosophical questions. But when it comes to a specific life situation, it turns out that a woman is able to act immediately without relying on some kind of philosophy, while a man still comprehends what is happening and cannot decide to act in any way.
Have you heard of women who have created some kind of harmonious philosophical or psychological theories? Or maybe spiritual teachings and religions? I think few of you know such women.
You may also notice that there are no women in the lineages of most spiritual teachings.
But if you look at the participants in various developmental lectures and trainings, you will notice that they almost always have significantly more women, especially if the host has charisma. Moreover, almost all women succeed in practical exercises at once. And the reason is the same - a woman prefers to let states pass through herself. Theoretical concepts are secondary to them.
And what about the man?
And a man is dull in his development until he has a clear picture of the world, within the framework of which he will act, having clearly defined his goals and inclinations. Therefore, for a man, authorities and theories, with the help of which he adds up his picture of the world, are important.
This is both a minus and a plus. The downside is that a man has an external support at the beginning of his development path. He hardly rests on its inner core. The plus is that this external support can give him spiritual ideal and some idea of the path to it.
As we wrote earlier, a man first analyzes and comprehends what is happening. For this reason, his attention is constantly directed to external objects, in which he loses the sense of himself. The feeling of inferiority is at the root of male perception, a kind of search. And it's funny that the feeling of inferiority makes a man the main evolutionary link in humanity. Think about it.
For a woman, external objects are not important; her own impressions of them are important for her. Remember, she first passes information through herself. And she is like a vessel into which the world pours various liquids, leaving new tastes on its walls. She takes root in a sense of her own usefulness and does not feel any inner lack. She doesn't need to leave her center. And as a result, her inner core is stronger than a man's.
Therefore, in marriage, a wise woman in every way inspires a man to grow. Her task is to raise him to her level. After that, all his further achievements can become her own.
A man, on the other hand, must master the feminine way of perceiving information, based on masculine qualities. This is the most difficult task for him. To accept life without his own intervention (in the form of constant thinking and evaluations) is perceived by a man as a kind of internal suicide.
Descartes once said: I think, therefore I am. This is a very masculine saying. For a man, losing his judgment is tantamount to losing himself. And it's scary. This step can take years of his spiritual journey.
Of course, in our changing time, male and female qualities are mixed and do not always manifest themselves as clearly as we described. Men and women often change roles today. Nevertheless, a person cannot get away from the original parameters, in the form of a male and female body, which in many ways function differently. For example, their hormonal systems work very differently. And this causes differences in the inclinations of the psyche. And our instincts are manifested in different ways. So everyone who considers our differences to be very conditional - it is better to delve into this issue. There are many more differences than were touched on in this article. We only touched the root.
And, of course, the soul has no gender. But just realizing yourself outside the human form and thinking about it is not the same thing.