What Is Rejection Trauma?

The concept of "trauma of rejection" is used in psychology; this phenomenon has been fairly studied. The bottom line is that a person's external rejection turns into an internal one, which is applicable, including in relation to the child. For example, a father or mother deliberately rejects that which they did not accept in themselves, or that could question their well-being in their children. What are the consequences of such an injury, and how to treat rejection trauma?

Childhood trauma.

Adult care is a matter of survival for a child. And he has to keep in touch with his parents, even at the cost of his own interests. The sooner a person encounters a traumatic experience, the deeper it will get down and echo in psychological pain all the person’s life.

The consequences of trauma are great - it will leave a mark in the form of resentment, mistrust, emotional "frozenness", loss of a sense of security, and all this in order to drown out the pain hidden deep in the soul.

If, as a child, a person happened to experience dislike, refusal of affection, betrayal, then, becoming an adult, he will alienate people himself.

The person gets the feeling that if the closest people did this to him, then strangers certainly could not be trusted. After a childhood trauma, the psyche forms a defense against recurrence of pain, and the person becomes emotionally impenetrable, keeps his feelings under control, does not allow himself to be spontaneous. He makes incredible efforts to adapt in an unsafe environment, looks for ways to maintain trust in those who do not deserve it, tries to control unpredictable situations.

A portrait of a person with a rejection trauma.

The science of psychology names the following symptoms of the inner state of a person who has received the trauma of rejection, depending on its depth:
• Dissatisfaction with oneself, the feeling of worthlessness, lack of a concept of one's own worth. This state is called retroflection in Gestalt.
• Confluence - this concept is also present in gestalt and means the presence of boundaries for merging with others. A person hardly separates himself from the crowd, does not feel his own needs, and is unable to defend himself. The reason lies in the relationship with the parents, that blocks the aggressive part of consciousness and independence, and it is it who is responsible for the timely and healthy separation of the child.
• Dependent relationship. Such relations are based on inequality, humiliation, submission, lack of self-interest and desires. Only in the presence of a strong soul mate, parent or partner, does a person have a sense of integrity.
• Internal conflicts, going from one extreme to another.
• The inability to indicate their successes, since the person is always in the position "under". Otherwise, there is a fear of being without someone's influence, and this is almost tantamount to death.
• The rejecting parent is not in contact with the child, as if not noticing him. Therefore, there is a lack of intimacy, there is no reliable attachment.
• Toxic guilt feelings. Acceptance of yourself as a defective and inferior person.
• Constant sacrifice, the habit of putting your interests and desires under attack.

What are the consequences of trauma of rejection?
• in adulthood, people with rejection trauma do not achieve much success;
• they strive to remain unnoticed, consider themselves unworthy of a better life, pure love, care;
• over time, society begins to reject such a person, which confirms his position further.

How to treat rejection trauma in adults?

There is no doubt that it is necessary to work with a psychologist. It depends on each specific situation how to treat an injured person. Moreover, this must be done in one place, at the same time. So that a person feels comfortable; because he will need a long time to recover.

The rejected person has to understand his value, see the cause of the trauma and realize the consequences, that is, how it affects him now.

For this, there are various psychotherapeutic approaches, with the help of which the victim learns to notice his/her feelings, build personal boundaries, etc. The doctor himself is obliged to believe in the success of the therapy begun. It's not easy - conversations are not enough. Only an integrated approach can give the desired result.

In order to work through the trauma of rejection well, the psychologist should not turn the sessions into parent-child interactions. At the same time, the person should be comfortable with a specialist - this is an important step towards recovery.