Psychological traumas. Humiliation trauma.

Psychological trauma of the humiliated: what does that mean? According to one of the theories, this trauma awakens and makes itself felt in a child between the ages of one and three.

Awakening of trauma occurs at the moment when the child feels that one of the parents is ashamed of him or is afraid of shame, when he, the child, gets dirty, when he spoiled something (especially in front of guests or relatives), when he is dressed poorly, etc. Whatever the circumstances under which the child feels humiliated, disgraced, ashamed, unworthy on the physical level, his wound is awakened and deepened.

The sexual sphere also carries its part of humiliation trauma. For example, when a mother catches her little son trying to masturbate and exclaims: "Oh, you little scoundrel! Don't you dare do this!" When a child accidentally sees one of his parents naked and feels that this parent is uncomfortable and that he is trying to hide, then the child, naturally, will conclude that his body is something he needs to be ashamed of.

The child experiences this trauma in various spheres up to the age of three, depending on the situations. He is humiliated when he feels excessive control from one of the parents, when he constantly encounters inhibitions to physically act and move as he wants.

It is common to hear people suffering from the trauma of humiliation talk about all kinds of forbidden things that they did in childhood or adolescence; it seems that they sought and provoked circumstances in which they experienced humiliation.

A child going through the experience of humiliation may create the mask of a masochist. Masochism means such behavior when a person experiences satisfaction and even pleasure from suffering. He seeks torture and humiliation, usually unconsciously.

It is usually more difficult to recognize and acknowledge the trauma of the humiliated person than any other trauma. It takes a lot of time, especially for women whose trauma of humiliation was evident, to accept that they felt ashamed or humiliated.

Since the humiliated masochist seeks to prove his solidity, reliability and does not want to be controlled, he becomes very reliable and takes on a lot of work. Whenever a humiliated person seemingly wants to do everything for others, he actually seeks to create as many restrictions and responsibilities for himself as possible. While he helps others, he is sure that he has nothing to be ashamed of, but very often then he experiences humiliation from the fact that he was used. He/she almost always believes that his/her services are not appreciated.

The person with humiliation trauma must first of all understand that he does not need to occupy so much place in the lives of people close to him. Meanwhile, he does not notice this expansion of his, since most often he realizes it subtly and unconsciously.

The humiliated person seems to be in tight control of himself, but his behavior is motivated mainly by fear of shame for others or for himself.

It is very difficult for a person with humiliation trauma to express his real needs and feelings, because from early childhood he is afraid to speak - afraid to experience shame or to make others experience shame. The parents of a humiliated child often told him: everything that happens in the family does not concern anyone, and one should not talk about it with anyone. He must keep his mouth shut. Shameful situations and shameful acts of family members should be kept secret. For example, they do not talk about an uncle who is in prison, about a family member who has ended up in a psychiatric hospital, about a suicidal relative, etc.

The person with humiliation trauma is usually oversensitive, the slightest trifle hurts him. As a consequence, he takes every precaution so as not to injure others. Whoever of his loved ones feels unhappy, he already considers himself responsible for this. He is sure that he should (or should not) do or say this and that. He does not understand that such an active attention to the problems and moods of other people does not allow him to hear his own needs. He does everything to be useful. This is his way of hiding his trauma from himself and assuring himself that he is not suffering from humiliation.

For the same reason, the person experiencing the humiliation trauma often becomes a recognized merry fellow who is always ready to make others laugh, presenting himself as an object of ridicule, mocking himself. He expresses facts very passionately and seeks means to make them funny. He does not spare himself, playing the role of a target for other people's witticisms. This is motivated by his unconscious desire to humiliate, trample himself. And no one realizes that under his jokes, perhaps, there is a fear of shame.

Such traumatized person knows how to see himself as much more insignificant, worthless than he really is. He cannot seriously believe that others consider him an independent and significant person. The words "small", "a little" are very common in his vocabulary: "Will you give me a little time?", or "I have a little idea," or "Wait a little."

A person suffering from the trauma of being humiliated often tends to blame himself for everything and even takes on the blame of other people.

Freedom is of great importance for someone suffering from humiliation trauma - for him it means that he does not owe anything to anyone, that no one controls him and that he does what he wants and when he wants. At a young age, he almost never felt free, especially with his parents. They could always, for example, prevent him from being friends with someone, go wherever he wanted, etc., as well as force him to do certain duties or housework, force him to deal with younger children. However, it should be noted that most often he arranges various duties and obligations himself.

At the same time, the greatest fear for a humiliated person (masochist) is freedom. He is convinced that he will not be able to dispose of his freedom properly. And unconsciously he arranges everything so as not to be free; he almost always makes that decision himself. Here are some examples.

Mr. K. believes that he is free to make as many lady-friends as he wants, and he immediately creates a bunch of problems for himself: now he needs to manage his time in such a way that he has time to visit each of them, and at the same time, so that none of them would know about the existence of others.

Mr. L. feels at home as in a prison because of the vigilant control of his wife. He gets himself two or three extra jobs in the evening to avoid oversight. He thinks he is free, but in fact he has no time for entertainment, or for his own children.

Mrs. M. remained lonely and, in order to be free, buys a separate house for herself. She now has no time for herself, since all the chores fell on her alone.

In sexual life, the person with humiliation trauma feels that it is not easy for him because of his own shame. If we recall all the taboos imposed on children in the process of sexual education, then it is not surprising that the concept of sin, filth, and debauchery associated with sexual life has a strong influence on a bashful person.

If you find the trauma of humiliation in yourself, remember that first and foremost you should work at the level of the psyche, soul, that is, free yourself from the mental trauma of the humiliated.