5 Childhood Traumas That May Be Causing Your Current Problems

If you have an unstable relationship, lack of emotional closeness with a partner, there is a reason for that. There's a reason why you're not climbing the corporate ladder or why your startup isn't growing. It's an old story, but your body and mind experience it every day. And you continue to experience it as an adult, it just looks different.

You may think that childhood trauma is necessarily some kind of sexual or physical abuse, but this is not always the case. Here are just a few examples of what you may have experienced and what continues to affect you, but you did not attach importance to it, because someone told you that it was not scary and unimportant.

1. You had an emotionally closed parent or a parent who didn't show you their loving feelings.

What it looks like: your mom or dad didn't show you they loved you, or purposely didn't hug and push you away when you did something wrong, as if they were punishing you. Maybe your parents were kind to you in the presence of others, but as soon as you were alone, they ignored you.

Maybe they didn’t understand you, didn’t even try to understand, didn’t support you, didn’t calm you down when you needed it, because apparently they have their own traumas, but this doesn’t really justify them. Maybe you heard: “I have my own life, my own adult worries,” or maybe even: “You were a mistake; I didn’t want children at all.”

2. Parents demanded too much from you.

What it looks like: maybe you grew up with a sick parent and had to take care of him. Or you became an adult too early because your parents were not at home or you had to go to work early. Maybe one of the parents was an alcoholic, you had to wake him up for work, collect brothers and sisters for school, clean the house and cook for everyone. Your parents gave you too much responsibility and many demands that were not appropriate for your age at that time.

3. You were abandoned and not really brought up, you were left to yourself, without restrictions.

What it looks like: maybe your parents were almost always at work, and you were left with a nanny. In their spare time at home, they never really played with you. Usually you were in another room or just sat next to the TV so as not to disturb them. You did not know who they were to you: parents or friends. You were just like roommates. You could do whatever you want as long as you don't give them trouble.

4. You were emotionally neglected.

What it looks like: you were not cared for, not supported, not motivated, but only controlled. You were not allowed to cry, maybe your parents said: "You are too sensitive." You were not allowed to feel, especially negative emotions; you always had to be happy with everything. Your parents left your upbringing to school without even checking your studies. You didn't have the opportunity to be independent because your parents didn't want to be alone or thought they were protecting you. They were very strict. You often felt guilty and indebted to them.

5. You were verbally abused.

What it looks like: you get called names, especially when you make mistakes or upset your parents. You were either too thin, or too fat, or you were just wrong. You could be humiliated even in front of other people. If your parents divorced, then one of them could compare you with the other.

The fact is that our inner child does not go anywhere immediately when we become adults. It is always there, within us, and reacts to everything in the same way when similar triggers arise. And this leads to the fact that we try to please others, or become aggressive, we have unstable relationships, problems with trust, addictions, and self-esteem. All this prevents us from achieving success.