15 Simple Rules That Will Help You Getting Through Tough Times.
If storm clouds appear on your horizon, it's time to open your “psychological umbrella”.
Life is a white stripe, a black stripe, and sooner or later hard times come to everyone. If now it's your turn to overcome the obstacle course and bend under the pressure of circumstances, use simple psychological rules that will make passing the life test for strength much easier and merrier.
1. Maintain positive attitude.
Life slips us exactly what we are focusing on at the moment. Pregnant women look around and are amazed at how many of their equally pregnant colleagues have divorced. Those dreaming of a particular car brand begin to see these very cars on the streets day after day.
In fact, of course, it hasn’t become more pregnant women or cars. It's just that our brain, focused on its own idea, filters the surrounding reality and lights up a signal lamp: "Here, look, pay attention urgently!" - when he sees an object corresponding to the topic of his thoughts. Psychologists call this the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon.
The conclusion is simple. The more bad you expect, the more you get. It will literally climb out of all the cracks, driving you deeper into depression. And vice versa: thinking about the good, believing in the best, you change the settings of your own brain - and it is this good that is in the focus of your attention. Even if an optimistic attitude does not solve all your problems, the world around you will become much brighter.
2. Make lemonade from lemon.
It sounds like a broken record, but nevertheless, this approach often works. Yes, there are situations in which we really cannot change anything. However, there are others, when it is enough to take a step back or to the side in order to look at the problem with a fresh look, attach some creativity - and voila, an elegant and profitable solution will be found. And this can be not at all where you originally expected. A classic example of this approach is the story of William Wrigley, the man and the chewing gum.
In the 90s of the XIX century, the company he created unsuccessfully tried to enter the market, selling household items - soap and baking powder. Things were not going well, and in order to at least somehow stand out from the competition, Wrigley came up with the idea of attaching a piece of chewing gum to each pack of baking powder.
Alas, the company continued to work for zero (just covering the expenses), or even with a loss, the clouds were gathering over the business, and Wrigley was ready to come to terms with the fact that he would not work out as a businessman.
However, at some point, the unfortunate entrepreneur noticed that people sometimes buy baking powder for future use only in order to get a package of gum with it. In his place Archimedes would have exclaimed: "Eureka!"
Wrigley, on the other hand, limited himself to completely reorienting the business to the production and sale of chewing gum, which was not considered any promising product before him. The whole world is chewing (in the literal sense) on the result of this creativity and the success that followed up to this day.
3. Learn from your mistakes.
What exactly drove you into a stalemate? Analyzing all the circumstances can be painful, but extremely rewarding. Disassemble the events that preceded the deterioration of your affairs: what went wrong, where you made a mistake, what could have happened if you had acted differently... As a result, you will get a fairly clear idea of how you could avoid the onset of a black streak. Getting through tough times is much easier when you know the chances of them coming back are nil.
4. Change what you can change.
Having calculated the mistakes and miscalculations that led you to a difficult situation, try to correct them. If something cannot be fixed right now, just pay attention to it so that it can be fixed as soon as you have a chance.
5. Be grateful.
Be grateful both to life - for the experience provided to you, and to those people who surround you. Think about this or that loved one: what he brings into your life, what he teaches you, where he provides his shoulder, how you would live without his support.
Write a short (or long, depending on your mood) letter explaining why you are so grateful to life for having this person in it. Then call him or her and read your creation. The difficulties that you are experiencing at a particular moment will begin to seem less significant when compared to the real values that you have in your life.
6. Focus on what you can control.
You may have made many unsuccessful attempts to remedy the situation. So much that you have lost heart and you no longer believe that you are capable of changing something.
Seeking out and focusing your attention on what is in your power is one of the most effective ways to combat learned helplessness (this is what the state you are experiencing now is called).
Yes, you cannot improve your affairs globally, but can you brush your teeth? Go and brush them. Can you start running in the morning? Then run!
The more things in your life that you can control and which you can manage, the faster you will regain confidence in your abilities. And along with it, you will gain the will to overcome difficulties.
7. Praise yourself for what you have gone through and experienced.
Sometimes we are so focused on the present moment that we don't look back. The darkness around seems hopeless. However, it is important to look back sometimes to assess how long you have come, how you have changed, what you have gained, and what you have left behind. When you see what exactly you have already managed to overcome, the light at the end of the tunnel will become much brighter.
8. Surround yourself with people who understand you.
Surrounding yourself with loved ones is one of the most important things you can do in a difficult situation. You need their love so that you have something to compare what is happening around you. You need to take care of them in order to feel significant. You need their honesty to hear truth and advice from those you truly trust. It is important for you to understand them and accept you for who you are, so as not to lose faith in yourself.
If there are no such people near you for any reason, find a community whose members have already passed or are going through what you are experiencing now. You will receive both the support you need and the experience that will allow you to overcome difficulties.
9. Learn to forgive and let go.
It happens so that difficult times have a specific culprit. "If not for him, everything would have gone according to plan!" - you think and exhaust yourself with hatred for this person. This reaction is natural, but destructive: you focus on negative experiences instead of looking for ways out.
Yes, let the person really be guilty, but ... You will not be angry at the rain, because of which you are soaked to the skin? Or crave revenge on the gust of wind that broke your umbrella? No, you will do your best to get home as quickly as possible and make yourself some hot tea, and then fix your umbrella or buy a new one. So it is here. The culprit is an "element" that it is important to leave overboard as soon as possible, focusing on more significant things.
10. Don't blame yourself.
We repeat once again: everyone has hard times. It is not you who are bad or unwise; this is just a black streak that is an integral part of life. Every life. Of course, different people have difficulties on their own. You got exactly this option. Accept it as a test that is important to pass with honor, not as proof of how bad you are.
“Even your worst enemy cannot harm you the way your own unrestrained thoughts can.” Buddha
11. Enjoy simple things.
One of the toughest challenges facing us during difficult times is a decline in comfort levels. When you are doing well, you can find joy in dining at popular restaurants, traveling, hiring a housekeeper to make things easier, or buying expensive items. When things start to get worse, you have to give up a lot, and it makes you sad.
Meanwhile, sometimes very simple things are enough to enjoy life. Instead of having dinner at a restaurant, find some interesting recipe and cook an original (albeit inexpensive) dish with your loved ones. Instead of traveling around Europe, get into the habit of cycling and exploring the area on Saturdays. Minimalism is in vogue today. Try it for yourself now. When else will there be such a chance, right?
12. Review your values and priorities.
Failures give a chance to conduct a revision of life values, which you did not even think about on well-fed and calm days. Look inside yourself, look around: what is really important to you? To what extent do your dreams, hopes, aspirations correspond to what is truly significant to you? What can you give up without worrying too much? Losing what will break your heart? Re-prioritizing is often a critical step in overcoming a streak of loss.
13. Develop patience.
In childhood and adolescence, we sometimes think that you can get everything at once. And only with age comes the understanding that we cannot control time. As strong as our time management skills are, there are things for which "the time has not come yet." The flower will not bloom in February, the child will not be born immediately after the kiss; a large, reliable house will not be built in a day. If you want to get something of value, you have to wait. It is important to understand and accept this.
“You can have everything. It's just not all at once.” Oprah Winfrey
14. Remember: you always have a choice.
Although many things in the world are beyond our control, we can still choose. The choice is how we look at these things, how we react to them, what actions we take, how we let circumstances determine who we are. Who are you here and now? Take your choice. It’s your turn.
15. Take care of yourself.
Many people omit this point, either getting entangled in self-accusations, or working up to the tenth sweat, or simply postponing until better times. In the meantime, in order to survive in difficult hours, you need to take care of yourself. What if tomorrow you are knocked out by overwork or clinical depression? So please yourself no matter what.
Have a coffee in a cozy cafe. Go for a walk in the park. Read a new book. Buy beautiful clothes or an accessory - let it be a mere trifle, but it will give you a piece of joy! Allow yourself to sleep well after all. We are the most important and most effective support for ourselves in difficult times. You can't lose it.
