The most ridiculous duels in history

They happened in different eras, but they are united by a very strange way of conducting: sausage fights, a shootout in balloons ... They mocked the poet Gumilyov with his galoshes, and they wanted to kill Bismarck with a sausage. Strange people did strange things, and we can only read and marvel at their originality.

• Deadly billiards

  19th century, France. On September 4, 1843 in the commune of Maisonfort, two men Lenfant and Melfan, while playing in one of the bars, quarreled and decided to sort it out nobly, in a duel. Their weapons were billiard balls, which, by agreement, they had to throw at each other in the nearest front garden.

  By lot, Melfan was the first to throw. He picked up a red ball and promised to kill the enemy from the first throw. A man’s word is his bond: the ball hit Lenfan exactly on the forehead, breaking through his skull. The deceased went to the cemetery, and Melfan went to prison for manslaughter.

• Showing off

  It happened in France, in the 17th century, when King Louis XIII, together with Cardinal Richelieu, banned duels. Those who would risk starting a duel could at least be deprived of their nobility, and at the most they could go to the scaffold.

  And one day, Count Francois de Montmorency-Boutville quarreled with Guy d'Harcourt, Comte de Bevron. At first, they did not want to anger the king and left for the Spanish Netherlands, to the court of Queen Regent Isabella, who, having guessed about the plans of noble gentlemen, ordered the arrest of fighters. De Montmorency persuaded Isabella to ask Louis to allow him to return to France, but he suddenly refused, which infuriated the petitioner.

  And so Count Farnsois did a stupid and last act in his life. He decided to show the king his opinion about his edicts against dueling and, as a result, about himself.

  The restless duelists returned to Paris under false names and, taking two seconds, staged a quadruple battle in the Royal Place, right in front of the eyes of the king and the cardinal who lived in this square. One of the seconds was killed, and the rest of the participants went on the run.

  Such frank arrogance and disrespect enraged the cardinal and the king so much that when de Montmorency-Boutville and his second were caught, they, despite the title and intercession of many nobles, were beheaded on the Place Greve on June 22, 1627.

  Well, why deliberately enrage those on whom your life depends?

• Lucky galosh

  It happened on November 22, 1909 in the Russian Empire, when the poets Maximilian Voloshin and Nikolai Gumilyov fought duels. The reason was the poetess Elizaveta Dmitrieva.

  Both opponents were late at the appointed time: Gumilyov got stuck in the snow in a car, and Voloshin left the cab, went on foot, lost his galosh and refused to shoot without it. All the seconds rushed in search of the ill-fated galoshes, and according to N.K. Chukovsky, Gumilyov himself even joined them.

  When the loss was found, everyone was so tired and apparently having fun that they decided to make peace. But here A.N. Tolstoy said that the duel nevertheless took place, but Gumilyov did not hit, and Voloshin had a misfire twice. After that, the seconds stopped the duel and everyone just parted ways.

  Rumors about the duel leaked into society quickly. The police that arrived at the scene fished out the galosh of one of the seconds from the river, which disappeared during the search for Voloshins’s galosh. The whole company was ridiculed; the journalists practiced the skill of caricatures and scoffing notes.

• Thirst to be original

  Paris, 19th century. It happened in 1808, when le Piqué and de Grandpré, two respected gentlemen, suddenly found out that they both were lovers of the dancer Mademoiselle Tirvit.

  The men decided to be original and find out who will get the mademoiselle with the help of a duel. And not just duels. They fired being on air balloons.

  Taking muskets and one second each, they each climbed into their own balloon, rose to a height of just over 800 meters and began to shoot. Not into each other, but into the air balloons. Le Piqué fired first and missed, but de Grandpré broke through the enemy's ball, which caught fire and fell down from great height, miraculously not catching a crowd of onlookers. Both passengers died.

  By the way, Mademoiselle Tirvit did not appreciate such a creative struggle for her heart, and fled with a third admirer.

• Idiotic self-confidence

  1547, during the reign of Francis I. At that time the favorite of the king, Francois de Vivonne, Guy Chabot de Saint-Gele (better known as Baron de Jarnac) and the seigneur de La Chatenière served at the court.

  Once, Vivonne told the king gossip about his friend and his sweetheart, with which Francis mocked de Jarnac. But suddenly he came into rage and demanded punishment for Vivonne for slander, which, in turn, infuriated de Vivonne and he demanded a duel. The king, who did not expect such a heat of passion, did not wish death to anyone and forbade the duel. But the monarch died soon, and his heir Henry II was very positive about the fights and hastened to appoint the duel, giving the men a month to prepare.

  While de Jarnac trained hard, de Vivonne did not bother with preparation, but rested and had fun. On July 10, 1547, spectators and the king himself gathered in the arena in Saint-Germain-en-Laye. De Vivonne pitched a simply stunning tent, where there were a variety of gourmet dishes, to which he was going to invite the king after his victory.

  But the battle did not go at all as the braggart expected. De Jarnac made several blows and struck with his sword from above, forcing the opponent to raise his shield and be distracted. De Vivonne had a painful shock, he was confused and the enemy's blade dug into his flesh to the bone. The king immediately stopped the duel, de Vivonne's friends rushed to apply bandages immediately, but the humiliated knight tore off the bandages and died from loss of blood. That's how stupidly the favorite of two kings died.

• Sausages for Otto

  In 1865, Otto von Bismarck was the chairman of the Prussian government and his opponent, the leader of the Liberal Party, Rudolf-Ludwig-Karl Virchow, when he spoke, allowed himself boorish expressions against the chancellor.

  Bismarck retorted harshly to his opponent and then said: "It would be desirable for me not to meet this insult in the verbatim record." Virchow refused to take back his words twice and Bismarck sent him a challenge to a duel. The experience of the iron chancellor in this area was great, so Virchow decided not to take risks and offered not swords or pistols, but sausages as weapons.

  Both duelists had to eat sausages, one of which, in one version, was infected with parasites that caused a serious illness, and in the other one – was infected with cholera. Bismarck was a little shocked by such creativity and the duel was canceled.

• The last official duel

  France, XX century. Not far from Paris, in the commune of Neuilly, on April 21, 1967, the last official duel at the moment took place.

  When the mayor of Marseille, 56-year-old Gaston Deffer, deputy René Ribière, who is 20 years younger than the mayor, spoke, boorishly interrupted the speaker several times. Deffer got angry and yelled: "Shut up, idiot!"

  Without thinking twice, Ribière challenged the elderly mayor to a duel. That's just a small mistake that came out: the grandpa mayor was not only in the Resistance during the Second World War, but was an experienced warrior and duelist. Deffer skillfully fought against his opponent, inflicted two wounds on him and would have continued further, but the duelists were separated by seconds. It is them that the not very quick-witted Ribière should thank.

  To understand the level of his mental talent: the next day, Rene Ribière had a solemn wedding. Instead of a marriage bed, the deputy found himself in a hospital bed.