Emotional vampires and how to protect yourself from them

Quite often, after communicating with people, we experience an upliftment, slight excitement, readiness for action, we are filled with optimism, we gain calmness, our mood improves. But there are other cases when, after communication, you feel bad, we feel that we have not gained, but lost. As if we were exhausted, our emotional strength was sucked out, we were deprived of inner harmony and caused negative emotions in us. Let's talk about the second category of people, they are called emotional vampires.

Emotional vampires

Before we start talking about the signs and methods of protection, you need to understand that such people not only deplete inner strength with their words, they can harm a person whose self-esteem was already in a precarious position.

Such people can especially affect those personalities who could not move away from their trauma or the victory over themselves was hard. The words of these "vampires" hurt and harm the one who is dependent on the opinions of others, as well as anyone whose weakness they can “grope”.

Vampires seem to scan a person, revealing weaknesses in his self-image, and give out their malicious statements, forcing a person to believe in their words and feel pain again. From such people you can hear phrases of the following nature: “Honey, I see you have gained weight, your blouse has become too small for you” or “You are too sensitive for a man.”

Signs of an Emotional Vampire

It is important to understand that you can meet such people in different circles of your social contacts; these can be people among your relatives and colleagues, acquaintances, in friendship and in romantic relationships.

The main signs of exhaustion after meeting with a vampire:
• your mood deteriorates sharply;
• you feel the desire to drink or eat, and the food at this moment is supposed to be rich in carbohydrates, those same “sweets”;
• there is a feeling of depression;
• you may feel sleepy, your legs become weak and your head heavy;
• a feeling of restlessness, anxiety or disappointment arises inside.

Types of emotional (energy) vampires

Groupings are only informational in nature for a general understanding, they do not mean and do not highlight the character of a person in its purest form.

• narcissistic vampires (personality type - narcissists)

  This person is characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance and being chosen. Therefore, he first of all craves attention and admiration. In the picture of his world there is only an idea of ​​his exclusivity and therefore everything is always only for him. Such a person is severely limited in his ability to love and express empathy towards another person. It is important for him that they follow his principle of "everything goes first to him."

  All your attention, strength, desires and aspirations should be directed to admiring this person and taking care of him. If you do not do this, then the vampire narcissist will punish you - in his own words and actions. He will become cold and reserved towards you, may ignore you and not perceive you as a person, trying in every possible way to belittle your feelings and thoughts.

  How can you protect yourself in this case?

  If you have determined for yourself that there is such a person in your environment and you cannot avoid interaction with him, then the following approach will help you understand how to communicate better without wasting your internal resources and without exhausting yourself.
  • 1. You need to understand that they are emotionally limited people, so have realistic expectations for them. They will not stop being selfish and will not love you unconditionally.
  • 2. Do not make your self-esteem dependent on their words and actions, do not trust or share your innermost feelings with them. With this approach, you will be safe from emotional exhaustion after interacting with them.
  • 3. Or, protect yourself by being in a relationship with such a person.

• "whiners" or victims

  It is typical for this type of people in communication to constantly complain that the whole world is against them. All circumstances, fate itself and all possible external factors are the causes of their misfortunes. All their speeches have one common meaning: "Oh, how poor and unhappy I am."

  Usually they use others as a container into which they want to drain all their negativity, taking away your positive attitude. And at the same time leave you alone with what they poured on you.

  How can you protect yourself in this case?

  In dealing with people of this type, you must be able to set and define your own boundaries. On an example it sounds and looks as follows. Listen briefly to your friend, partner or relative, and then say: “I love you, but I’m only ready to listen for a few minutes if you don’t want to discuss the decision.”

  If a person is not from such a close circle of family relationships for you, for example, your colleague at work is a vampire, then your protection will be the following. Expressing your sympathy for his situation, you can say: “You can find a way out of any situation, you just have to think about the solution.” And then add that it is important for you to return to work, because no one canceled the deadlines. These words are not universal and in each case everything is individual, but we think the meaning itself is clear to you.

• dictator

  These people persistently try to control everything and everyone. They know better than anyone how others should behave in different situations and what to feel about it. No matter what happens in life, they have their own opinion on everything. In relationships and dialogue, the main thing for them is to control a partner or interlocutor. Your feelings will be considered unreasonable or irrelevant if they do not fit into their rules.

  In dialogue, you can identify them by the following words, as they often begin with this: "Do you know what you need?", and then you will receive their own instructions in detail on how you should proceed. And in the end, after a dialogue with such a person, you will experience a feeling of resentment and humiliation.

  How can you protect yourself in this case?

  Don't try to control a dictator. Express healthy self-confidence in conversation. Don't confront him by pointing out what he needs to do himself.

  To build a dialogue with such people, the following words are suitable: "I appreciate your advice, but I need to work on this myself." Again, be confident and don't play the role of a victim who needs direction and control.

• suppressor

  Such people are not interested in your thoughts, feelings or opinions at all. For them, it is only important to express everything that they think about any event. Dialogues with them proceed according to the principle: he speaks, and you wait for a pause to insert your word, but very often such a pause does not come. Physically, they move so close that they simply begin to breathe on you, with each step you take back they will come closer.

  How can you protect yourself in this case?

  Such people do not pay attention to non-verbal signs, no matter how much you cross your arms over your chest or turn towards the door - they will not understand this. Only direct text will make them stop and pay attention to you. If you do not want to experience emotional devastation after talking with such a person, then interrupt his monologue and speak very clearly and unambiguously.

  In practice, it looks like this. You listen for a few minutes, then politely say, "I'm not bred to interrupt, but I need to talk to other people/I have a job/I have an appointment/I have to go."

  If this is a person from your inner circle, then you politely say: "I would really like you to let me say a few words to you, because I have something to add to our conversation." Try to speak in a neutral voice and then you will be listened to much more favorably.

• dramatizer

  These people tend to describe and experience little things and minor events as mind blowing dramas. They present each sneeze with the words that last time “I almost died.” Very often, after communicating with such people, where any domestic situation was dramatized, we experience fatigue and exhaustion.

  How can you protect yourself in this case?

  For such people, your emotional response to their words is important; the more non-verbal signals come from you, the more drama from them. A "vampire" dramatizer needs an empathetic viewer/listener, so he saturates his events and himself with your energy. But he does not have the opportunity to draw it from equanimity.

  So stay calm and take a few deep breaths. This will help you maintain your normal state and not fall into acting, playing along with the melodrama unfolding in front of you.

  Set friendly but firm boundaries. Say something like this: "I sympathize with all your failures, but fulfilling the terms of the contract comes first."

Conclusion

In order to feel less tired and empty after interacting with some people, to raise your vital energy, or rather not to waste it, take an “inventory” of the circle of people with whom you come into contact.

Identify people who fill you with optimism, energize you, motivate you, and share your vision. And identify those who take away this energy from you, find those very energy vampires in your environment and try to reduce the amount of time spent with them, if this is difficult to do, then apply the recommendations indicated in the article in your life.

Remember, everything is individual for everyone in life, there is no one right decision for everyone and for all occasions. Therefore, it is important to understand the principle, not to learn the phrase.